Losing my Innocence

There must be a song with this title if I am not mistaken. I am sure most if not all of us know what this statement means. We remember the days of innocence with nostalgia,days when we knew how to distinguish good from evil, the permitted from the forbidden.We can recall the occasions when our little misdemeanours were met with a slap on the wrist or a spank on the bottom if we were repeat offenders, or if our seniors simply happened to be in a foul mood.

I remember the days when some things were cause for embarassment, when some things were only spoken in hushed tones carefully punctuated by giggles and sniggers. I miss the days when the lines were clearly drawn and there weren’t as many gray areas as I see around me these days. I remember the guilt I felt when I broke some unwritten rules, how my mind raced and my heart was in turmoil as I looked forward to the downstairs toilet where I would go on my knees and profusely apologize to God for my mistakes. I miss the days when I stayed for a seemingly endless time under the cold shower hoping the water would somehow wash away the filth I sensed contaminating my body.

I cannot go back to the past, and what lies there remains a record in history. I can do little with the future, it is not so much in my hands, as it is in God’s. I can do everything possible with the present. I can make bold requests, I can face my mountains, not ordering them to move, but instead relying on the strength of God to help me soar over them. If my faith can move a mountain, it can also cause me to soar above it. After all, why move a landmark when you can rise above it, view it as something under you and enjoy the descent into your destiny on its other side?

I am a Christian

We are very limited creatures. We know just how small we are, and we know that we are not really in full control of our lives. We are painfully aware of the fact that we will all die at some future point, and we know we can not take anything with us beyond the grave. We sense deep inside that there could be more to this life than what we are currently experiencing and we wish we could know the exact nature of the life that awaits us beyond this one. We follow world systems that could give a glimpse into the unexpected and we hope we have made the right choice as far as what we believe is concerned.

On this side of eternity, we struggle with the challenges that every day brings. We may have many pleasant moments, but if we are honest, we know that the suffering is greater than the celebration. No wonder we invest so much hope in the world to come. A world where there shall be no more crying and dying. A world without pain and injustice. A world whose ruler is loving and truly has the best interests of His subjects at heart.

I choose to be a Christian. This choice is influenced first of all by my background. It has been the most appealing faith since my childhood and continues to be my choice as I continue in this journey. Other systems of faith have their own methods and beliefs but I feel truly settled in this one. I could not imagine not being a Christian. I am at the point where a life without Christ is not appealing at all. I don't know of anything else I would rather be than His and I cannot imagine bowing down to any other god. I am satisfied in Him and I can shamelessly say that I love Him.

The Bigger Picture

Life has many demands. There are so many things that require our attention at any given time. Most of the times, we respond to the most URGENT need that demands our attention, at the expense of the most IMPORTANT need. We need to be able to distinguish between matters that eventually are more important and those that may be urgent but not as important. How do we do this?

I believe that a person should have a helicopter view of situations so that they can give the first priority to the important and then tackle the urgent. This helps to avoid unmet deadlines and to improve effectiveness. The main challenge occurs when one's superiors require them to drop the important things for the sake of the urgent. So how do you deal with a case where your leader requires you to drop something you feel is more important to the organization so that you can deal with something they consider to be more urgent?

As long as a leader is not involved, do the important thing. As long as a leader is involved, do what they say. After all, if you don't do the urgent task they require, you will be out of a job and then you can't do the important thing. Just saying. 

Heartless Government

I know the Kenyan  government has to make hard decisions at times. I know citizens do take unlawful steps to secure their interests at times. I know there are those unscrupulous people who take advantage of the government’s laxity to further their own selfish interests. I know the land on which the slums at Mitumba were put up was not theirs to build on.

I also know the children who sat their class eight KCPE exams this year. I know the kids who have gone on to high school and polytechnics, having grown up in those slums. I also know the budding musicians who call themselves the Poor Billionaires. I know the mothers who sell their bodies for fifty shillings to put food on the table. I also know the feeling of helplessness and no esteem that comes from them growing up in a slum.

For all that may seem convenient and lawful, there must surely be a concern for the babies who are huddled next to their freezing mothers as the Nairobi rain and cold hit and bite. Those who would at a moment’s notice demolish someone’s home would do well to consider alternatives for them. After all, the apparently 26^th richest man in Africa has land the size of Singapore. These guys only need 4 acres. Food for thought. 

Youth Camps

The first of our two weeks of youth camps starts on Friday. We are almost ready but there are things that can only be done on the day the camp starts and some as the camp goes on. The team is ready for work but there is definitely some uneasiness going around the camp and this can be worrying.

I for one am not really as motivated as I should be for the camps. I am low on emotional and physical energy and I pray that God will strengthen me. There are some challenges that I have to overcome as an individual and some that we have to overcome as a team.

Perhaps seeing the campers will make us more excited and perhaps being with such an energetic crew will inspire some energy into me. I look forward to their coming, if for nothing else then for fellowship. Pray with us, we need all the prayer we can get. 

Soul Repair

Isaiah 61:1-7

There are many things that have happened to us in the past. We have memories we would sooner forget and some of those occurrences still haunt us to this day. Some of us are unable to confidently move on in life because of something that happened some time ago, either in the near or distant past.

A huge ship takes quite a long time to turn, as does an eighteen-wheel trailer. It is much bigger and is capable of carrying massive loads. A small boat turns much faster and easier but can only carry light loads. The human spirit can carry immense weights, some of it much larger than the actual body size of the owner. That’s why a twelve year old girl can carry a lot of anger and bitterness over the father who gave her out to be married by someone fifty years older than her.

What is that thing that still binds you in the past? How can you begin to allow God to release you from it? He who the Son sets free is free indeed (John 8:36). Have you been to the cross lately? Have you given up your hurts to the Master? He is well and truly able to release you from the captivity of your past. 

Dead End

There are times when the road we so faithfully travelled seems to end quite abruptly, and there are other times when we can see the end coming. Sometimes we live with a fearful expectation of the worst, and yet dare to hope that something good can come out of the chaos that comprises our lives during those moments. 

The human spirit is meant to carry heavy loads, and it does its job with tremendous efficiency. Yet there are moments when even the elasticity of the spirit is stretched beyond its capacity. One should never reach such moments, for they are incredibly brutal and notoriously incurable.

Know where you are headed and make sure you don’t reach the point of no-return in any area of your life. Read the signs and know when to pack your things and go. Nothing is meant to last forever, except for the mercies of the Lord, for they endure forever. 

Useful for God

2 Kings 7:3-10

Sometimes in our lives, we feel that we are not worthy to be used by God. This is a very common thing to many of us human beings. The truth is that God is not looking for super saints, spiritual heavyweight champions or super models or people who we would think are perfect for His work. Instead, He is looking for you because He can still glorify Himself in your situation. The Bible confirms this in so many ways, and taking a look at our scripture reference above highlights that point. 

The four leprous men went to an abandoned enemy camp and the news they brought back to the city brought the siege-imposed famine to an abrupt end. They were called ‘unclean’ and were ostracized by the society because of their medical conditions but were greatly used of God through a very simple mechanism…sharing the word about the abandoned enemy camp. God had already accomplished the victory, all they had to do was report it. Their selfless action, although they were initially selfish, saved many lives.

Regardless of the condition of your health, wealth or physical ability, God is able to use you for His glory. If He can use anything, let Him use you.

Tabitha Kiragu

Barefooted Hope

This week, we hosted several boys from our neighbourhood on our sports field at Diguna Mbagathi and conducted football training sessions. There were kids from roughly the same neighbourhood but from variously endowed families. Some were from really poor families and couldn’t afford football shoes or other football kit, whereas some had the recommended football kit.

We had the opportunity to be with them for four days although some of us couldn’t make it on some of the days. Some of the kids who came on the first day disappeared and never returned while some who had never come before arrived on the last day. We taught them various aspects of football (soccer) such as ball control, passing, shooting and also had some conditioning exercises.

The highlight of the whole thing for me was having kids from other religions also attending the sessions and they got to listen to the Gospel. They were taught that God loves them and has a plan for each and every one of them, and then they were taught football. Although they came barefooted, they did not leave with bare hearts, for they were fed the very Word of God and we pray that this barefooted hope will someday mature into a well-dressed reality. 

The Messed-Up Christian

Looking at the life of the Apostle Peter, one cannot help but see the incredible space God allows for mistakes in the life of the Christian. This guy literally spent most of his time with Jesus during the Master’s years of ministry. He saw the miracles and heard the teachings, even commenting on the transfiguration.

He is also the same guy who cut off someone’s ear in apparent defence of the Master and tried to talk Jesus out of going to the cross. He denied the Master no less than three times and had forgotten that Jesus was supposed to rise again three days after His death. Peter was just as blessed as He was messed up.

Are you feeling far from God? Have your actions in the near or far past led you to feel unforgivable? In Peter, we have a perfect companion, one who was so near to the Master yet so prone to error. Jesus already prayed for Him and for us, so we don’t have to feel unforgiven. He knew that we would mess up, just as He knew that Peter would mess up and thus made such incredibly gracious intercession for us. So, whenever the devil reminds you of the past, remind yourself of the finished work of Jesus on the cross. It is truly finished. 

Leading while bleeding

There are many reasons for failure in life, but one of the most common reasons is trying too hard to please everyone. Human beings are varied in their passions and moods and there is no one person who can sufficiently make everyone around them happy and have no enemies. The way the community thinks about you depends a lot on how you interact with them, or how you don’t interact with them. Most people don’t really care if you don’t bother with them, because it means that they don’t have to bother with you either. However, most of them would really enjoy your company if they got to know you better, right? That is a matter that is up for discussion.

Sometimes, people we know, respect and love make mistakes. It is even sadder when the mistakes are made by people who we know, respect and love and we have allowed them to lead us. I happen to be such a person. I am loved by some, respected by others and I lead quite a number of people. I also have mistakes that I regret, things I wish could be undone. However, water under the bridge cannot be restored to flow through once it is gone.

The incredulous thing is that I am still expected to lead, to be a beacon of light in a dark and lost generation. I am expected to lead the flock under me to a morally upright path whereas I have my own skeletons in the closet. I am leading while bleeding. At the moment, it is not easy to find enough energy to do the pastoral work that occupies my position, and I often feel weak, ineffectual and helpless. I am encouraged at the moment that in my weakness God’s strength is made perfect. That works for now, as I am gently and patiently restored to the position of influence from which I should operate. If you find the time, pray for me. God bless. 

Fallen Heroes

His book lies on the bed next to me. It has a very inapt title CALLED TO CONQUER. Author: Eddie Long. If the name doesn’t ring a bell, then just know that he is the American pastor facing more than his fair share of trouble following allegations of sexual abuse levelled against him by some young men from his congregation. He could write a year-long devotional on being called to conquer yet the allegations against him give the impression that he couldn’t conquer himself.

She is beautiful and has an awesome voice and very inspiring music. She has been a Christian musician for a long time although she took a long long long break from music to slow down the pace of her life. She has touched many Christians with her songs, I included, and she is also….homosexual. She is openly in a same-sex relationship and is not afraid to tell anyone who will listen, that God still loves gay people. Her name is Jennifer Knapp.

There are many more examples in our day, people who we looked up to and who let us down so hard we are too injured to trust them again. Whenever we heard them speak or sing, or do whatever made them so awesome to us, we couldn’t help but be inspired and moved. Now we have to deal with the issue of their fallen nature. What should we do with fallen heroes? The Bible is piled sky-high with such characters, Moses the murderer, David the adulterous and murderous king, Solomon who had more wives than most people have coins, Samson who couldn’t keep a secret from a loose woman, Reuben the incestuous, Peter the denier, John Mark the deserter, Saul the persecutor…….

The main difference between those people and the ones we deal with these days, is that they had the presence of mind to repent of their wrongdoing and were restored to fellowship with God. Our current church is full of fallen heroes who would plead their case to deaf ears, when tearful repentance at the foot of the cross would do. It is still not too late for you to be restored to God. Don’t let your pride separate you from Him eternally. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. 

Blessed to Bless

It is dark and cold outside and the rain has been quite consistent since it started this afternoon. I am waiting for our praise and worship team meeting which starts at 7:30pm tonight. We are preparing for the Diguna Wednesday evening fellowship. I am leading the singing tonight and our team is quite small, because I like small music teams. There is David Tumaini playing the keyboard then Timon and I are playing acoustic guitar. I am the only one singing on stage tonight and the main reason for this is that I didn’t think it easy to convince some of my friends on station to help with the singing, and also because no one else came for practice.

In the meantime, I am listening to some traditional Luo music and this guy can sing nicely although the instrumentation is a bit monotonous. He repeats himself a lot, only changing the last two words of the sentence and whistling in between the song lines. One can easily guess that there hasn’t been much time taken to write the lyrics of the song, yet this guy commands quite a following. Some guys take more time and create really good music. Others simply do whatever people want to listen to and then become rich.

I wonder what I am, for music is a natural and fun thing for me to do. I don’t struggle too much to write songs or think of melodies but I am not as persistent as other people are at making a life out of music. I sometimes forget that I have a music album. I need to be reminded and asked about what I intend to do with it and I mostly don’t have an answer. One thing I am sure about is that it is what God has gifted me to use to bless those I interact with and so I hope those who know me are blessed when I sing and play the guitar. How can you be a blessing to those around you?