Giving it up, to the Father

The celebration of the Webers went well and I had to play the piano even though my skill on that particular instrument is not very high. I guess no one noticed so much because I made sure the volume was very low, so that the bass guitar and the acoustic guitar were more prominent.

The food was also very good and I cannot even count how many people were there, let's just say that it was well attended. In true German fashion, the ceremony was not too long and the people present seemed to enjoy themselves. David Rempel was his usual casual self and Burkhard gave a glowing testimony and encouragement to those in attendance. Wilfried and his wife Ursula shared the stage eventually and both briefly shared a testimony from their time with diguna before Wilfried gave an encouragement to all present.

I had purposed to ask Wilfried about the moments when he felt like giving up but I did not get the opportunity. Instead, I got his wife, who was more than capable of answering my question, so I asked her. She gave me a very short testimony, told me that she had felt that way so many times but had the following things to thank God for:

• there were always friends praying for her and Wilfried
• the Word of God was her source of strength and renewed motivation.

Now I feel that I have a suitable means of handling the challenges that face me in the service I partner with God in. I hope that the next time I feel like giving up, I will remember those praying for me, and I will remember to turn to God in earnest prayer and to His Word for guidance and strength. Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name. 

Giving Up

Today afternoon, the Diguna Mission in Mbagathi will be celebrating one Wilfred Weber and his wife Ursula for their many years of faithful service. Mr. Weber, as he is mostly known has been with Diguna since its inception in the late 70's together with the late great Vic Paul. He is mostly known as a tough man who hit hard on laziness and was more spiritual than most Germans we know. He is also quite soft on ladies and this is the reason why ladies don't understand when men complain about him.

I was thinking this last week about giving up on full time ministry as we know it. I thought I should quit the service and get a full time job like everyone else and do ministry part time. It sounded like a good idea and so I began to search for a job. Immediately, my phone started ringing incessantly with people needing my help, presence and attention and I responded as I normally would. I left what I was doing and noticed that my heart could not ignore them. In the midst of all this, I realized that no matter what else I try to do, this is what I am called to do. It is my purpose and it is my raison d'être, my reason for being.

I look at Mr. Weber's many years of service to the Lord as a missionary with Diguna. He has definitely had his share of troubles and of great moments and I can bet my bottom dollar that he has contemplated giving up more than enough times. I look forward to his speech today, and I hope I can ask him the question, 'How did you overcome those moments of doubt, when you felt like giving up?'

Living, or slowly breathing to death?

I am leaving soon for a friend’s flat. He is a music producer and we are going to make a music track for a song in his flat. Another friend is coming for the creation as well, although he is more of an instrumentalist. He is good with guitars but can also play a wide variety of instruments. I am the sole reason why we are meeting. I have an idea in my head and they are going to help me to turn the idea into something tangible. It is well said, that ‘he who knows HOW, will always be at the mercy of he who knows WHY’. The two other gentlemen present today know how to manipulate music to suit the desires of the person who has the idea. However, the man with the idea, ME, knows exactly what the song should sound like at the end of the project.

We do so many things in life, because we know HOW to do them. How many times do we do things knowing WHY we are doing them? Another author says that ‘if you don’t fulfill your purpose in life, someone else will employ you to fulfill their purpose in life. ’ It is critically important to discover one’s purpose and to go hard after it. Life should not be simply about filling in a routine description of existence, it should go beyond the normalcy that surrounds us. Our lives should create impact and develop systems that sustain that impact. What are you doing with your life? As a rapper aptly asked, ‘are you living, or slowly breathing to death? ’

Out of Nowhere

I sat next to a young man in a bus today. I was on my way to my sister's house for a long overdue visit. I think I last saw her at Christmas last year. So, this young man couldn't have been more than 28 years old. He had a pack of miraa (khat), some groundnuts, water and a serious look on his face. He tried to make light conversation with me before embarking on his plan for the rest of the trip home. I took my Bible from my rucksack and read Proverbs 24, then closed it and started meditating on a verse that spoke about the strength possessed by a man with knowledge.

My neighbor asked me to share what I had just read with him and I obliged him and briefly spoke about the idea of wisdom and strength. He then began to narrate to me a brief history of his life, complete with his disappointments with the church. Here was a man who was using what most of us call a drug, and who hinted at previous use of cannabis. The very same person was challenging me on the importance of reading the Bible deeply and reading in between the lines. He also spoke about the way people who are not Christians look down on Christians especially when we try to share the Gospel with them.

As he spoke, I was tempted to judge him and to give him a good sermon on keeping our bodies as the temple of the Holy Spirit. It was at this point that I realized that I was not very different from him. I also do my hidden things, but he does them openly. I exhibit public victories and am condemned by my private failures. He has his victories and failures out for all to see, something I go to great expense to avoid.

I was most intrigued by his statement, that God would not judge us as we would expect judgement to be passed on us. While we focus on 'big sins' like murder and sexual immorality, he claimed that God would ask us why we didn't help the hungry child asking us for money to buy bread with. I listened for most of the trip and am now busy thinking through the words this man shared. We may always expect God to speak through the people we recognize as being anointed, but God also speaks to us sometimes.....Out of Nowhere!

Re- FOCUSED

Last week didn't begin so well, but ended in a glorious way. I attended the Million Leaders Mandate Training at the International Christian Center (ICC) Nairobi West campus and had a truly refreshing time there. I was challenged about my role towards my family and encouraged to do more to spend time with them. I was also challenged to get my plans on paper, and in order. The theme of the training was 'Talent is never enough' and we were led into awesome teachings on the various factors that should accompany talent in our pursuit of excellence.

I was part of the volunteer team and my main task was to play the guitar and sing back-up during the music sessions of the training. I also assisted in various other duties, especially when it came to tasting the tea to make sure it had enough sugar :) I got to sing a song from my album and it was well received although CD sales didn't go as well as I had hoped. Nevertheless, it was good to be able to bless and encourage those in attendance with the song 'Nimesamehewa' which talks about the forgiveness we get from God in spite of our waywardness.

I am now in Diguna Mbagathi, planning for the weekend sleepover that we are intend to have with our Bible study group. The theme of the weekend will be on Goal Setting and I am hoping to get a friend of mine to facilitate that session. We will also get to hang out with each other and bond, have team building activities and celebrate our third birthday with a luncheon on Saturday.

In the meantime, we are still planning for our annual trip to Oyugis and this happens in December but planning is already well under way. We had various projects in mind as tools for fund raising towards the trip and one of them was the printing of T-shirts for sale. The person printing the t-shirts for us is doing it at a minimal fee, because he is a member of the group and we hope to have them ready by Wednesday.

So far, so good. I not only learnt to get active and do things, I hit the ground running this morning. I hope your week has began well and that you sustain the momentum that will help you to achieve great things in your life. In all things, remember that no amount of effort or preparation should take precedence over the will and purpose of God in your life Proverbs 21:31. Blessed week.

Journey Back in Time

So it begins, the journey to unknown destinations, to the path less traveled. I have been reminiscing about my college days of late, and the most profound memory would involve the poems I used to write. Sometimes, the poem would not end, it would simply go on and on, and I would end up making it a mixture between a rap song and poetry and I called it "floetry". I hear people referring to it nowadays as the "Spoken Word" and treat it as a relatively new phenomenon, yet I was doing it ten or more years ago. It is indeed true that history does repeat itself, for the things that were the rave years ago have a way of finding popularity with new generations.

I remember moving from writing poetry to writing songs, and the trouble I had with the process. In poetry, I could write and write and write. In songs, I had to condense my thoughts to a few lines, and hope that those listening to the songs would get the main message I was trying to communicate. The early days of songwriting were stressful because I wrote the same kind of songs in the same pattern. They also always had to rhyme as was the case with the poems. It took me some time before I realized that the song endings didn't have to rhyme, it just had to be memorable, remember-able, deep and catchy.

Most of my heart's expressions these days come out in the songs I write. This obviously means that most people will never see these songs because some of them are of a very very very personal nature. I write them in my heart and sing them to God, then they are forgotten because the person who they were intended for has already heard them and taken them to heart. The ones that He allows are heard by those who have heard me sing. I mostly write from two perspectives, God's and mine. I struggle to write a song that has no person trying to communicate something to another. It feels like a body without a heart, and in summary, here is a poem, for old time's sake:

What do I know of love
Only a series of joy and depression
Every season is laced
With equal measure of glee and tears
I cannot willfully choose to love
It has to take me by the choke-hold
It must not loosen its grip on me
Until I am captive to its charms
If you allow me a step away
Away I'll go, so far away
But if you send its arrows home
I'll never part, I'll never stray
I'll never be away, from home.....

Empty

At the heart of a man's purpose, is his connection to God. There is no vacuum in a human life, there is always someone in touch with a man's spirit. It is either God, or the enemy, but never an empty space. Sometimes, the heart is overgrown with worries and cares, as weeds and thorns would overgrow untended land.
I have moments of emptiness just after great success in ministry, and great restlessness just before a great assignment comes from the Father. I am experiencing both at the moment and I am therefore wondering what is going on. At the center of my turmoil is the knowledge that I have to trust God, I have no choice. I have to believe that He exists, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. It would not make sense to approach Him on any other terms. He demands absolute faith, for double mindedness is unpleasant to Him. I am experiencing doubts that my knowledge of counseling and human nature cannot handle. I desire God to be as tangible to me as the floor I am stepping on or the clothes I have on. Faith is the evidence of things not seen, but right now, I need evidence that can be used even in a court of law. Have you ever had these moments? 

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Burning Bushes and Changing Staffs

I am currently reading through the book of Exodus. I desired to get a good idea of the journey taken by the children of Israel from the land of Egypt where they were under hard labor, to the promised land, Canaan. I am at Chapter 13 at the moment and it gets no easier as they progress through the early stages of leaving Egypt. The thing that struck me most about the story in Exodus is God's timetable of events, and his timing especially.
He sends Moses to pass a message to the Pharaoh, knowing full well that the same message will make Pharaoh angry and result in more back breaking labor for the Israelites. So eventually, Moses is hated by both the Egyptians and the Israelites and yet he was only the mouthpiece for God. I believe that sometimes a leader has to make tough decisions, unpopular as they may be. If the leader is convinced that God has directed him or her, then he/she must by all means communicate the message.

I am currently in the process of making some serious decisions and I feel a lot like Moses as God first gave him his assignment. I would like nothing more than to imitate Moses and give God many excuses about my inadequacies, but I know that leads nowhere. I had read about Moses so many times and wondered how he could try and resist such a 'wonderful' opportunity to serve God. Now I understand how he felt and I hae the sneaky feeling that I would have responded in the exact same way to God's call if I had been in his place those many years ago.
The human heart cannot lead itself, it doesn't know a vacuum. I am either led of God or of the enemy, and I choose to be led by God. So if the direction ahead of me is the one He desires for me, I am convinced it can only be for my good and for His glory. Meanwhile, I am enjoying the times of rest and quiet that I find myself in. I am learning to appreciate the moments God gives us in between ministry opportunities. Meanwhile, I am watching the Jesus Culture (Your Love Never Fails) DVD and I am blown away. Their skill and heart for worship is incredible. God bless them so much, and God bless you as you take up your God-given assignment.

Picking up the Pieces

So, yesterday some of my friends were inconsolable while others managed to mourn without shedding a tear. Arsenal lost, against Barcelona, as was expected to some degree. Now they have to focus on the remaining two possible trophies, the FA cup and the Premier League. Standing in their way on both fronts, is a limping giant in Manchester United. Both teams are trying to recover from a string of unpleasant results and have to find the capacity to regain the form that devastated those unfortunate enough to meet them as they destroyed all in their path.
We learn from football about looking at the bigger picture, and the Christian walk is a lot like football. For one, we cannot succeed without working with a team. In the same way that no one can win a football game alone, no Christian can stand alone, we all need others to have any measure of success. Jesus never sent out the disciples on solo projects, they were in minimums of two. We can also learn from the fans that football clubs and players have, that Hebrews 12:1 is very accurate on the need for support. We are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses.
Footballers who have the gift but not the discipline lead very tumultous lives and don't perform to the best of their potential. It is similar with gifted believers. It is not enough to be talented or gifted, we must stay focused on the Giver more than we focus on the gift. I still believe that He is more interested in our hearts than our hands, although our hands are also important in accomplishing Kingdom Agenda on earth.
So, just as Arsenal and Manchester United have to pick themselves up after their respective defeats and aim towards the awaiting crowns, we as believers in Jesus must dust ourselves off when we fall and follow hard after the Master. He knew we would fall, nothing gets Him off-guard, that's why He provided grace. He is willing and able to restore us and to continue working in us. Don't stay where you are, you are not cemented in your current situation, rise up and walk!

The Agony of Defeat

I like football. A lot. I like playing and watching it, whether at a football stadium, or in a sports bar or at home with friends. It is one way of seeing someone's true colors. It teaches team-work and dependence on other people. Perhaps the greatest lesson football teaches is the lesson on 'How to Handle Defeat'. In the recent past, the teams I support all over the world have been on the wrong end of damaging losses. My Kenyan team Gor Mahia were walloped 3-0 and my fellow fans turned to hooligans and ran riot on the victorious Posta Rangers. My English team Manchester United lost to bitter rivals Chelsea before losing to other bitter rivals Liverpool. My German team Werder Bremen is slowly trying to encourage me with a win when possible, it has otherwise been a terrible season for the team from the north of Germany. 

Some of my friends have decided to make fun of me because my teams have been losing. The fresh loss to Liverpool has given them opportunity to laugh at me and have a great time at my expense. In fairness, I have also laughed at people when their teams lost, and I say this to my shame. I have refused to receive phone calls from people I know to be football fans, but I also know that the pain will subside with time.

Perhaps the most disturbing thing is the realization of how painful it is to lose. I don't think it has much to do with my favorite teams not performing well. I think it has more to do with the human desire for success in everything we endeavor to do. We are generally not good at handling failure, and we develop different ways of responding to moments of defeat in our lives. Some people grow bitter and hate everything about the area in which they failed. Others accept it as their lot (Arsenal) and are genuinely surprised when they actually succeed at something. Others cannot accept the reality of failure (Gor Mahia) and take out their frustrations on other people.

Learning to handle failure at an early age will help any person to be a more proactive individual. You will learn how to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones to success instead of using them to build an inescalable wall. It is important to deny failure a chance to become a normal situation in our lives. How do you handle failure? How better could you handle failure?

Priorities

I got a call this morning to remind me of a practise meeting scheduled for this afternoon. I still remembered the practise, but had forgotten the reason for the practise. One of our friends has his wedding this Saturday and we are supposed to sing at the reception. I am even supposed to sing a special song!
The problem is, I had also agreed to a meeting at church at 1pm this Saturday and then to attend our weekly Bibe study group meeting at Diguna which starts at roughly 2.30pm. It is very important that I attend the meeting in church because I am supposed to highlight the album concert that I intend to have on the 10th of April this year. I also need to be at the Bible Study meeting because there are some people I really need to talk to. However, my friend is only getting married once (I hope, hehe). So as much as I am in a dilemma, I know that the wedding takes priority and that the other meetings must be missed. So now to the apologetic phone calls and the rescheduling of the missed meetings.
I also need to get some of my blank CDs and get them copied so it seems like I will either have a late night or an early morning. Because of tomorrow's jogging, I need an early night so it seems like the copying of CDs will happen tomorrow. I hope to sing at The Grace Experience (T.G.X) tomorrow evening at PEFA city center in Nairobi. The fellowship begins at 5.30pm, see you there if you can make it. I am also reminded of a mission trip to Embakasi Girls High School on Sunday morning. Wow, that's a packed program!
There are always choices to make and we have to give priority based on certain factors guiding our lives and guiding the situations we are in. At least I can still make it for the revival meeting tonight, yesterday was great. 

Pure Madness

I managed somehow to convince my body to get out of bed this morning, tired as it was. I put on my jogging attire and stretched a little then went off into the somehow cold morning. The usual noise was there, matatu touts trying to convince people to go with them to their destinations, children waiting for their school vans and buses and some entrepreneurs opening shop. Jeremy Camp was motivating me through his song, Let it Fade on my music player. This music player cost me a bit, and had decided to fall into the toilet bowl yesterday and go into a comma. I went with it to the revival meeting yesterday evening and with lots of prayer and some electronic magic from my friend Mbutts, it regained consciousness and is now working as if nothing ever happened.
I did not go with my inhaler today because I managed perfectly well without it the previous day, and that was the beginning of the end. I hadn't done barely 200 metres when my asthmatic lungs began to signal their discomfort at the pace I was using, so I slowed down a little. I could see my destination in the not so far distance so I didn't want to stop before I got there. I finally got there, but my lungs and thighs were threatening mass action at that point. I would have loved to stretch a bit at that point but I was closer to exhausted collapsing than to a proper stretch, so I just leaned against a shop wall.
I managed to convince myself to return all the way to my flat, but walked half the way and suicidally jogged the rest. I got to my door and did the compulsory stretches before the sit-ups and the eventual shower. I did a little laundering, followed by a well deserved breakfast, which broke the nutritional rules of the program I am under, but that is a minor blip on my journey to success, hehe.
I did my Bible reading and had some prayer time after which I plopped into bed. I was woken up by the hammering noise of the builders working on some unfinished flats on our building, thinking some frustrated teen was banging my door. Coming back, I logged on to the official site of the Barclays English premier league to find that my favorite team was beaten by one of my least favorite teams (for lack of a better term) yesterday.
There is still the revival meeting this evening and I lead the songs even though my throat would rather just feast on ice cream. I need to get the songs ready and the theme is on Healing and on the Baptism of the Holy Spirit so I have my work cut out, but I know I am not alone in this. That, my friends, is the best thing about being a Christian. The human being is never alone, the Christian human being is always with Jesus.

Increasing and Decreasing

It is much easier to gain weight than to lose it for most of us. For the lucky few, they can eat whatever they want and never exercise and still not add weight. Some of us gain weight even by chewing on a thought (Wayne Cordeiro-Dead Leader Running). I began my new fitness program this morning. I went for a ten minute jog this morning, interspersed with a 5 minute walk and some light exercises at my front door when I had returned from the jog. It was not easy waking up with the thought of physical exertion on my mind. My body has become accustomed to Gadaffi's pre-revolution treatment and this uprising of the muscles against the fat is not going down well with my overweight self.
I also noticed that my spiritual weight has gone down recently. I have been busy sharing the Word of God with others but not feeding my own spirit with the same Word. The effect of this imbalance is that others get enriched as I get depleted and the strange thing is that the spiritual weakness manifests itself in my physical life. I become poorer at judging situations and I react to events instead of responding to them in wisdom and afterthought. So as I rise early to jog, I do not return to the warm embrace of my bed covers, instead I seek light in the Scripture. I began Proverbs today with the one chapter a day method, so that I will have read through it by the end of the month. I continue still with the book of the Acts of the Holy Spirit through the apostles (also known as the Acts of the Apostles).
By 10am, I had pretty much done all the stuff I normally postpone on my late mornings. I am a night person so I prefer to stay up late rather than to rise up early in the morning. However, I realize that rising early has more advantages than staying up late, King David must have had a point (Psalm 88:13). I am learning that the decrease of my spiritual strength leads to decrease in my capacity to fully function in the walk He has called me to. Not that I doubt His ability to keep me, but which parent wants a malnourished child? Reliance on God does not mean abdication of my responsibility to Him through obedience and a humble walk with Him.
Jehovah's witness ladies came to see me this morning as they did their rounds in our compound. They were very civil and to the point, but they also realized that I had a few opinions too, although I did my best to not sound condescending. When they come to your door, please don't chase them away, lovingly guide them to John 1:1, believe me, it makes ALL the difference.